North Korea, Best Korea!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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