I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
