I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
