don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
