can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
