just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You are a genius and a whore.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
