In the future we'll all be gay
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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