biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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