My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
