Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
