he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
