So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
