I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish there were birth control emojis
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
