Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
