if only i could text you this smell
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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