I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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