So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
