at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
