Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
