You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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