I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
