So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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