24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
