Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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