So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
