every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
