My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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