there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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