hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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