Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
