the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
