toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
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