On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we should paint friendship bongs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
