when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
