remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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