I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
