tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
