Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
zippers are such a cool invention
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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