Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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