A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
