At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
