Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
