I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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