Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
