Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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