she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
