I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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