You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is my gift to your gina
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
