My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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