I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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