The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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