He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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