maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
